Three day weekend – pfffffffftttttttttt!
Malcolm X Day is a public holiday in Berkeley, and there is much that could be said of that, but what it translates to most immediately is a three-day weekend for me. Or, rather, it should. Instead of enjoying the pure bliss of an extra day of respite, or at least a day to whatever it is that I want to do, I will be spending anywhere from four to eight hours sitting for the CTEL exam. Oh, and it cost me around US$300 for the privilege.
What is the CTEL, you ask? It is the California Teacher of English Learners Exam. As someone who started teaching before CLAD/BCLAD and then left the state to teach in Nevada for nearly a decade before going overseas to teach English Learners (see what I did just there?) I am absent a specific “credential” that is required for me to teach in the state of California. Basically, I need to prove that I have the skills and knowledge to teach non-native English-speaking students.
Did I already mention the part where I taught in Asia for more than five years? Or that I started teaching in the SFUSD, a district with some 60 languages in their EL program? Or that I taught in schools that were hugely Latino for years on the other side of the Sierra?
I assume you can glean my irritation with this situation. [To be fair, my HR people really tried to find a way to grandfather me into this, but the State of California is not having it. Apparently five years of teaching English in foreign countries does not really make one qualified to teach English in America.]
In terms of practical knowledge, the test is quite easy, especially as I have been teaching ELs for well over a decade. The answers are logical, and I am well-practiced in the strategies and pedagogy that the CTEL promotes. But, passing this test will be another animal all together. It is not about practical knowledge or pedagogical expertise. It is about the language of three sets of “standards” that are meant to be incorporated into our teaching: One must be able to cite the ELA (English Language Arts) standards, as well as the supplemental RLA (Reading Language Arts framework) and the ELD (English Language Development instructional program) by name and number. Oh, and there are also the CTEL standards….
In a nutshell, all students are meant to make AYP (that would be Annual Yearly Progress) and meet the benchmarks in the ELA standards that indicate grade level proficiency. The ELD standards serve as “a guide to instructional intervention” designed to move those ELs not meeting grade level proficiency towards said grade level proficiency. And the RLA? Well that is a blueprint for how to implement that ELA standards. The CTEL standards are there to measure the standards and quality of teacher effectiveness.
Frankly, it is all a lot of BS that makes me want to SMH and IMHO is a total waste of time.
I am not convinced that knowing who is behind the different theories of language acquisition and development is going to make me a more effective teacher in the field. In any way. Further, I am unclear on how spending all this time trying to remember their names and their theories (Krashen and the imitation and learning hypothesis, Skinner and his behaviorist theory, Chomsky’s innateness theory with its LAD and CPT, Piaget’s cognitive theory, Bruner’s interactionist theory) when I could be cogitating on effective pedagogy (and my own lesson planning for my real, non-theoretical, students with whom I have only a few weeks left to get through more curriculum than is possible…)
And, while these guys all have interesting things to say about how and why people learn language with more, or less, success, it all comes down to the same stuff - always.
- Younger is better because young learners learn in more authentic ways
- The more time and support and validity you give to people’s native cultures and languages, the more comfortable they are trying to learn a new one and the better their attitudes are
- When people are around other people who speak a language they are trying to learn, they learn more
- When you help people understand how words work in a new language and how they are connected to their own, they learn faster
- And, as my graduate advisors always said, repetition is the heart of education
Anyone who has done any teaching, particularly with non-native English speakers (or in several instances that I can name, NON-English speakers) knows these things instinctively. Create a comfortable and fun and positive environment and people are willing to try harder (duh), answer questions, provide raw materials for learners to experiment with be it new words or pictures or movies or comics, or whatever. Talk. Talk to each other. Ask questions. Listen. Clarify. Engage.
It is basically an instruction list for any teacher, or any human really, who wants to engage with others.
So, there you go, now you do not have to buy any review books. [But you better get a hold of those standards - the four sets combined are more than 250 pages of 8.5 x 11 paper.] I did buy a book however. And my goodness, what a huge waste of my money and the paper used to print it. It was about ten pages in, into a book that is supposed to be about how to teach English, that I started to notice the typos. Forget basic editing errors of tense, subject-verb agreement and spelling, this book called Noam Chomsky “Chromsky”, confused “self-confidence” and “self-doubt”, juxtaposed letters in acronyms and mislabeled diagrams. To be fair, it was called the Monkey’s Guide, perhaps I should not have relied on my native speaker’s tendency to assume an idiom there and really understood that more literally.
No offense to the simians and their old world relatives.
So while many of my colleagues, and all of my students, are enjoying a day doing little to do with school, I will be trying to tick off that last little box for the CCTC. And all I can do is sit here and wonder, what would Malcolm X do??
Family: The unfamiliar is so familiar.
my daddy was a bankrobber
but he never hurt nobody
he just loved to live that way
and he loved to steal your money
Everyone has their own narrative about their family. The story a person tells about their family really tells you very little about their family, but it opens the book on them. The idiosyncrasies one chooses to emphasize, to hide. The funny tales everyone can relate to that thinly veil the truths no one wants to admit they all understand.
Family is fraught.
Family is familiar.
Family is beautiful in dysfunction.
Family is tragically supportive.
Family is dynamic – though we tell the tales in stasis.
There is safety in a familiar narrative but it belies reality. And reality simply waits for you to show up so it can remind you of all that exists beyond your story. My narrative has always had a penchant for the dramatic, some might even say melodrama. My narrative has always had a tendency to over-emphasize the fragility of others and forget that the people from which I come are strong, in every way, even weakness. My narrative has created an anxiety that has no place in my reality. My reality has always been underscored by a complicated but beautiful fabric of love.
When you jump into your narrative you remember things like this.
Yesterday, I jumped.
It is never as hard as I think it will be.
<3 and sushi.
And very merry Christmas.
Free to be [fill in the blank].
I have not had a repressive, oppressive or otherwise [externally] limited life. I have been blessed with all of the promises that our Founders put forth in the Declaration of Independence in spades. This has been largely due to three factors: my family, the era (1970s NorCal) into which I was born, and courage [derived primarily from a combination of stubbornness, curiosity and (at least initially) naiveté.]
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.
When I consider independence I always end up thinking about freedom. Really, freedom is what I have relished as a person who has never had to actually fight for her independence. While I appreciate autonomy – on both a personal and statutory scale – it is freedom ”the exemption from external control, interference, regulation and the power to determine action without restraint…” that I love.
And I always have.
Another holiday that serves to stir up some confusion, but in the end, it is about gratitude.
Father’s Day (more correctly meant to be written Fathers’ Day) lands squarely on the third Sunday in June every year. Today is that day. It should be a fairly uncomplicated concept: a reciprocal day to match Mother’s Day occurring a month or so prior, and honoring… Thy Father. But, it is not so simple. Not because I have uncertain parentage, or horrifying “Daddy Issues”, or because “it takes a village…” But more because I have been truly blessed with good parents, of the mother and father types. To specify a single day to recognize this seems like a very trite, and narrow, sentiment.
Still, for those of you who do know me, you may know why the day brings up issues for me that do not parallel the feelings I have surrounding Mother’s Day. [I have an alpha-momma, and I recognize and honor her everyday.] But I have two very different men who share responsibility for me. I hope they are okay with this… I have tried to make them both proud.
I have a dad. He reminds me of this song. I know him – really know him, and acknowledge him and appreciate him. I love him.
But I also have a step-dad. I hate that term, it is so… secondary. And my step-dad is not. He reminds me of this song. Don’t ask, somethings just are what they are. (T, I resisted using Edith Piaf, you can thank me later.) Though I put him through the paces that all (or maybe not all, but at least the strong-willed among us) six-year olds would, he stuck around. Always. In every possible way. And I know him and acknowledge him and appreciate him. I love him.
There is no way that I could have, or would have ever, in a million incarnations or efforts, become the person I am today without either of these men, though obviously through completely different contributions and means.
And so here I sit. Amidst a slew of cards that have never ever reflected any bit of what I have seen as “fatherly.” Ties? The Home/Office Depot™? Golf? Beer with the dudes? Who has these kinds of dads? Hallmark™, WTF are you even talking about?
“So, tomorrow I’m going to jog to New York”
Back in the day when I was living in Del Mar and mostly attending UCSD as a reticent sophomore my roommate and still very dear friend E and I would, as many nearly 20-somethings were prone to, sit around and generate lists of all the things we were going to do to self-improve. Eat healthy. Exercise more. Drink less. Study X hours a day. Etcetera etcetera. Of course, these lists were always to commence “tomorrow” so we had one more day/night to do everything the list sought to combat.
Tomorrow.
It got to be such a joke that one day as we were listing E said, “Yeah, and don’t forget, we will jog to New York before breakfast.”
It is a fascinating element of the human condition.
I have New Years Resolution-ized before. I gave up chocolate once. Not that big a deal as I don’t really love choclate anyhow, and I made it the whole year. I gave up chips one year. Much harder. I remember being amazed at how much food I could eat at a Mexican restaurant when I was not having chips. I have not done a whole lot of other ones that are all that unique – save more money, do this or that, don’t do this or that. I am not sure if I will make resolutions this year or not.
I think I might just rather to continue to live fabulously, avoid self-flagelation when I make mistakes and celebrate successes. I already know this will be a year full of seeing friends I love and doing things I have not and smiling lots.
So for now, as I get ready to hit the town in San Francisco with T and D I wish you all a most wonderful 2011.
In keeping with the Chinese traditions I advocate cleaning up before the onset of the New Year (don’t sweep out the luck) but other than that, enjoy laaa! And if you have already decided you are going to jog to New York tomorrow, I hope it is a great run.
Happy New Year!!
it came upon a midnight clear…
If the doors of perception were cleansed every thing would appear to man as it is, infinite. ~William Blake, 1790
Christmas Eve, Sandpoint, Idaho -
Last year I said I would be home for Christmas. And here I am. Though I have my moments of missing Hong Kong, this would not be one of them. I am knee-deep in Americana up in the North Woods. For real. There is a big old moon (just past full for that impressive lunar eclipse caught so wonderfully in the Petaluma sky by my friend Gabe) and snow on the ground. It is sparkly inside and out. It is warm inside. And I am with the core of my family – the epicenter as it were: the nuclear group.
Things are as they should be.
And what of Christmas Eve? A walk down the snowy road returning to alpenglow and meeting a friend lighting ice lanterns [luminaria in the Norwegian tradition, imagine his dismay to realize his discovery a centuries old tradition, though none the less spectacular for its prior existence] at the end of the lane. These lanterns are so beautiful and fragile and temporary. This must be what makes them so spectacular.
Thank you very very much.
Last year a friend from home suggested posting something on your chosen social media outlet, for which you were thankful everyday in November up until Thanksgiving. I took the bait. I was going to be working through my fifth Turkey-free holiday in Hong Kong. Literally. Working. Straight. Through. In fact, the week of Thanksgiving tended to generate some of my busiest work days. It sucked. But the act of consciously contemplating what I was thankful for was really cool.
This year everything has shifted for me. And even though I did not do daily posts about what I am grateful for, I certainly have been aware of my gratitude. The way 2010 shook down for me was nothing short of amazing. Do not make the foolish assumption that this means it was easy; but phenomenal shit doesn’t really seem like it should come easy, now does it?
This year I am so thankful that I get to spend the holidays with my family for the first time since 2004 – or maybe even 2003. That is too long to go without a family holiday, no matter how crazy (wonderful) or unpredictable (interesting) your family might be. We have had some doozies too. Some high/low-lights include:
- Wisdom teeth removal over Senior year Christmas and looking like a total chipmunk, and my last with Willy.
- Santa Fe, 1989 – “The Driest Christmas I’ve Ever Had” [Thank you Frances] add to that the vomit, drugs and Gramma ordering eggs it was pure holiday bliss.
- Every Thanksgiving my dad’s ex-wife cooked for: NO ONE LIKED YOUR OYSTER STUFFING. DEAL WITH IT.
- Tofurky at Bodega Harbour.
- And many many more – but in the interest of protecting the semi-innocent…
This year I am so glad that I will not be working through the day and calling my family from 15,000 miles away and a day late to play pass the receiver and wistfully dream of the food.
And how did I get here? Most of you know the story. I wanted it all to happen. And it did. I keep hearing all these people bitch about everything from the gigantic things totally out of their control to the minutia that they have created for themselves and I wonder, have they never taken the words of His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama who tells us in no uncertain terms: “If you have fear of some pain or suffering, you should examine whether there is anything you can do about it. If you can, there is no need to worry about it; if you cannot do anything, then there is also no need to worry.” And when they say they are not worried they are just pointing out how lame everything is, you gotta wonder why there is nothing better going on up there. At least you could be Alfred E. Newman about it and STFU.
The other day at the beginning of my yoga practice the instructor asked us to identify and share something that we love in our life. One person said cappuccino. Another said her job. I thought for a minute and the only answer I could think of just came out:
“Everything.”
I love everything about my life.
Again, I would reassure you that I am not some daft Pollyanna about this and I do not think that my life is perfect, but at the same time, there is not one part of it that I do not love. I really could not think of one thing. And the more gratitude I acknowledged the more obviously rad my life appeared.
Through a rather pragmatic lens, one has to ask, what is the alternative: bitching? To what end? My BFF quit Twitter this year because she said that she was just sick to death of the negativity and the bitching. I was a little surprised. When my mom began to share more of her spiritual practice with me, I remember being very concerned that she was no longer going to be funny (a key element of her multi-faceted personality) if she was all concerned about being so bloody nice. I understand both of them now. When I look around and see how everyone is just so bent on waiting for the next week, month, year, job, boyfriend, girlfriend, carping on every situation, circumstance, potentiality… they are missing not only the point, they are missing the opportunity to live. And really? They are not that witty either. Just redundant. Plus, I have it on good authority, when shit goes wonky… it’s hard to know who to blame.
And so, yeah, that sounds totally all hyperbolic and syrupy sweet. But really, I am not worried about it. I am just acknowledging.
- I am thankful for my family and being able to spend time with them
- I am thankful that I have a job that I love
- I am thankful that I have a place to live that I adore in a city I love even more
- I am thankful for the ability to afford to do the things I want to do
- I am thankful for the teachers in my life who manifest in very surprising forms
- I am thankful for my friends right here and around the world
- I am thankful for the love of my small, bossy cat
- I am thankful for plenty of good food
- I am thankful for a body that does all the things I want it to
- I am thankful for 40 years of a life so interesting
- I am thankful for the shit which has made me stronger, but not bitter
- I am thankful for the opportunities that I have had and then ones that will come
Happy Thanksgiving.
The worst idea for an invention I never followed through on.
I used to think that a “Cat-Cam” would be a super-cool little gadget to come across. I wanted to figure out a way to rig a tiny, relatively indestructible, wireless webcam onto my cats’ heads somehow, and then get to see what they got up to all day while I was out at work and stuff. I thought it would really show me a differnt side of Pak Kok and the jungle or something.
What a stupid freaking idea.
I have had a lot of time at home these past few days with the Easter public holidays and such and so I have been a first-hand witness. You know what they get up to all day? (Best sit down so the action doesn’t knock you off your feet.)
And yes, I realize I am following up a post about having nothing to say with a post about cat inactivity.
There is nothing like punctuating one’s point.
My year in lists…
It is a new year again. And this one began with a Blue Moon too – pretty auspicious beginning, I would say. [Actually, I understand a true Blue Moon is a fourth full moon within a season (quarter), not just a second full moon within a month... but I am wondering how the two are not one and the same...] Regardless, it was a gorgeous, cold, full moon New Year’s Eve in Hong Kong this year. I was supposed to be on a junk in the harbor for the third year in a row, but variety prevailed and instead I found myself in the company of good friends – old and new – in Luk Chau on Lammado. It was just… lovely. I do not imagine too many people take their own water taxi to and from their New Year’s Eve function, but I did.
I thought a lot about the New Year this year. For a lot of reasons. I mean, I sort of always do, because I am prone to like this kind of stuff , new beginnings and such. But this year was one of particular interest to me – lessons and observations and weirdness and work and total realignment of mind and body. I am absolutely amazed at how ridiculously fast time seems to be going, and I am consequently very glad that I am starting to see how little point there is in letting other people determine how you spend your fleeting moments. There has been a lot of discussion about paradigm shifts and apocalyptic endings (or beginnings, depending on your point of view) and intentions and energy and goals… And that is just here on this blog.
I had some experiences this year that were positively shocking, and I am not talking about electricity, but I am trying to avoid the judgment of calling them awful (or awesome). I am trying to get to the point where they just are: It is what it is and only our reaction to it that can a/effect judgment. At least that is what I am aiming for. So, for starters, I guess that is my first ‘resolution.’ But before I even get to my revisionist take on the resolution situation I have My Year in Lists to take care of. A long time ago a family friend who is more family than friend gave me an idea for New Year’s Eve. I no longer remember the context or rationale for why she suggested this – if she does it or if she just knew at that young of an age that I was destined for a life in lists… Regardless, Marcia J. suggested that I write down ten things that happened to me in the year just ending. I loved the idea and have been doing it since about 1985. That is a long list of lists.
So… 2009:
1) I visited Vietnam, not once but twice. And it was very nice.
2) I finally visited Japan – or at least a part of it in Kyoto.
3) I got to see the Man Burn, and there will never be enough opportunities for me to thank Mike V., Reece C. and all the other people that helped to make that happen.
4) I went HOME. Really and truly HOME. And it saved my life… I got the chance to reconnect with some people who might never really get how important they are in my life.
5) I lost myself in some really dark places that I suppose I had to see, but it was really difficult and forced me to acknowledge some unpleasant stuff. About myself and the world/people around me.
6) I chose to make my life a priority and not my job. Sorry work, but that is going to be how it goes now. I saw the light and it is way better from outside the plate-glass façade.
7) I began my Project 365 adventure and am now contemplating book opportunities.
8 ) I realigned my mind and my body – mostly through the yoga direction of a very special human being. Again, if there were only a way to express the levels of gratitude.
9) I blogged. And so, therefore, obviously I am somehow. Whatever.
10) I stopped being afraid of the inevitably unknown. No longer really all worried about how it is all going to work out, because you know why? The only reality is that it will.
Wow. That was deeeeeeep.
And for 2010? ‘Sup witchur bad self? No resolutions here promising for early morning sprints across continents and retirement saving and macrobiotic eating. No way. However, if I were prone to guessing, prognosticating and listing – oh, wait…
- I’m gonna be 40. No sense pretending I don’t see it coming.
- Burma. In four short weeks my Aunt Nancy and I will embark upon the road to Mandalay.
- India. Don’t ask for details yet, but it is happening. For S-U-R-E.
- Writing.
- Moving.
- Livin’. L-I-V-I-N.
On your request, I compile a list
Of my top five resolutions for this year (one!)
I declined ’cause I decided that I (two!) did not believe in the new year anymore (three!)
And I must confess that at times like these hopefulness is tantamount to hopelessness (four!)
And I accept that it’s time for a change but not in places like this with people like these (five! five! five! five! five!)
Sometimes it really is all in the details…
My cousin Lorena asked me yesterday when I had my last Christmas at “home.” I told her I have not had Christmas at home since I came to Asia. I have just spent my fifth Christmas here… my third in Hong Kong… one other was in Thailand and another in Borneo, and when I say it like that it sounds cool enough to make not being home with family at the holidays the way forward. But they have been a mixed bag, these Christmases, all important in their own ways, which is not to say the stuff of a Hallmark TV Special. It is my opinion that people are often disappointed in the holidays because there is so much build up and so much pressure and so many expectations. I have not felt disappointed in a long time about this time of the year but this is mostly because I have fallen out of the habit of even considering that there might be anything remotely similar to the holidays of stereotype for me to compare my situation against.
At the end of the day, I think that is probably a pretty good thing.
I spoke to my family several times over the past couple of days and while they are all in groups and gatherings elsewhere, we made one here. I spent the day with my Hong Kong family and it was lovely. We had all the little details that make up a holiday. Curly ribbon, sparkly lights, chocolate, the exuberance of a six-year-old that can only come from a six-year-old at this time of the year, warm food, music, movies, gifts, neighbors dropping by, smiles, a growing family, pets, poinsettias, crystal, snuggles and silliness, hugs, headstands, questions (“Can we open the presents?), mysteries (“Why can’t we open the presents?”)
It was lovely and I am so grateful for my Hong Kong family. I may not be at home, but I am somewhere that is just fine for right this very minute.
No sense worrying about keeping up with the Jones’s when everything here is so lovely.
A chance to get caught up for/on the holidays…
It is strange that somehow, no matter how one tries – there always seems to be a mad dash to get things together for the holidays. And I say this as a person without children and the requisite efforts that adds, far from family and the multiple events that adds, and with all of my needs met, basic and otherwise. There are so many things I have been meaning to do – and though I do not feel particularly stressed out about them, I am aware of them nonetheless.
Today begins three whole days in Hong Kong, without work. This is fabulous and very unusual (not just because of the lack of time off in Hong Kong, but also because I generally leave town whenever I have days off – I might not even leave me little island home today.) I have already spoken with my BFF and parents in the US as they embark on their respective Christmas Eves. I am cooking for Christmas lunch. I gave my first Christmas present yesterday. I wrapped presents last night and am eating cookies for breakfast today. It is about 70°F (22°C) and the humidity has shot up to 90% already. I have an incredibly corpulent and loving dude-cat on my lap. I have three blogs in various stages of completion and photos to edit. (A fun to-do list to be sure.) One of my favorite bloggers has been doing the Holidailies blogging project and I am trying to get caught up with all of her recent posts… they are excellent.
I am very much looking forward to the chance to breathe deeply and prepare for the upcoming Full Moon and New Year. 2009 was such an education in every way, and through the lens of increased awareness 2010 looks to be awe-inspiring.
Merry Merry Merry…. Everything!
“Come on and let it show!”
Amanda
