I have been a
lazy busy girl over here in HK for the past month or so… causing me to miss out on all sorts of things… like dispensing sharing advice for people on topics as big and wild as love and life and love lives.
Excuse me for a moment while I take off my custom t-shirt emblazoned with the logo “Amanda: Making Crap Relationship Decisions Since 1989” and get comfortable here in front of my computer… where I should probably be doing something else… so I can tell you three of the best peices of advice I have ever integrated (this is not to be confused with ‘received’ as I am positive I have gotten a ton of good advice, which I chucked out with the coffee grounds, old newspapers and good men I have had lingering around on occasion.)
#1: Guilt is an option. [From mom. A really good reminder that guilt is always there as an option, but it is never a requirement it is a choice to feel guilty and it rarely serves anyone in any equation/situation/dimension.]
#2: Happiness=Reality-Expectations [From a church billboard along Highway 95 near Spokane, WA. The easiest way I have found to “turn that frown upside down.” It would really be great if anyone out there has any advice on eliminating expectations…..]
#3: “Buy the ticket. Take the ride.” [Okay, really this was not advice given to me personally, but from the mouth of one of my all-time heroes, Dr. Hunter S. Thompson. I like this one because it sort of combines both of the other two and then, of course, adds HST’s reckless twist to it. And you can look at it in a number of ways, but in the end… if you go to the trouble of buying the ticket… TAKE the ride! Otherwise you risk being left holding old and faded tickets with hopes and ideas just as faded. And yes, the fact that HST is on my list of dream men might just begin to illuminate the accuracy of my aforementioned t-shirt… as well as segue into my ideas on love…]
So… Love. I suck at love because I always feel guilty in a relationship eventually, I have ridiculous expectations and I have a knack for always buying the wrong ticket for the right ride, or is it the right ticket for the wrong ride…
I want to believe that cheesy line from the movie “The Mexican” where Julia Roberts and James Gandolfini propose that if you love someone… really, really love someone… you never ever get to the point where enough is enough. That somehow love can, and will, conquer all.
This has not proven to be the case in my life, and it hasn’t been for lack of effort.
I am not bitter about this… maybe disillusioned… but not bitter.
The one thing I have decided recently (and this may change before I finish this post) is that there must be intellectual compatibility for a relationship to work. Money, looks, religous views, political persuastions… none of it matters if there is a looming mental gap. Now, the down side of this discovery is that lots of the intellectual giants I know are also total fuck-ups. Coincidence? I don’t know. Frustrating? You bet.
My problem is I want the fairy tale (oops- expectations) and feel badly when it does not come to fruition (uh-oh, guilt) but am reluctant to give up because I bought the ticket for the that ride.
When I step back and look at my life, it is one full of love. In spite of my persisting singleton status, I have been raised in an incredibly loving family, I have amazing friends, I teach kids who give me new reasons to love and hope everyday. I guess really that is enough to put a lot of love in your heart. So maybe I don’t really suck at love.
I bought the ticket.
I am on the ride.