Sole Mates… Are you my density?

As you may (or may not) know I have a great love for synchronicity – there is something deeply satisfying about recognizing the inexplicable confluence of events that permeate my daily existence. I am sure I miss a lot of them. And I know that I only see a lot of them in hindsight, which may (or may not) be cheating. Regardless – I dig the flow.

I also am truly optimistic about the potential for people to meet up with the people they are meant to flow with. It goes with digging the flow.

Putting these two things together, (that would be synchronicity and the someone-is-out-their belief) I found the  program “Somewhere out there” on This American Life perfectly prescient.

Your appreciation of the program will depend a lot on where you come down on the debate about the idea of Soul Mates. Are you a believer? The idea of there being one person out there for you… well, frankly it is a little depressing. Like what if the day you were supposed to meet them you wanted to sleep in or you had to work or pick up your dry cleaning or something? That would suck. On the other hand, the idea that anything (one) goes is also a little depressing along the lines of: “Let’s see, shall I have a grande cappuccino or a latte or spend the rest of my life with you? I just cannot decide.”


Still, the romance behind the notion that there is someone entirely suitable for you is enticing. I certainly have seen my share of examples of people who I know are simply perfect for each other. It gives one pause. The physicists in the TAL program wanted to work out the mathematical probability that they would find girlfriends and what the chances were that there was more than one person in the world for them. Statistically speaking, the conclusion is good or bad, again depending on where you fall on the debate of numerical possibilities versus singular perfection. I am an unusual (and unexpected) romantic: I find the science and statistical reasoning enticing. That there are both multiple possibilities and the a limited potential number of compatible options is the perfect balance. If one does not find their destiny – perhaps their density will suffice.

I think I can best conceptualize this situation by likening it to shoes. I mean, there are a lot of great shoes out there… but do I have only one Sole Mate? I see shoes that I can really appreciate, but I know I would never wear. I see shoes that make me cringe. I see shoes with lots of potential. I see shoes that I cannot believe anyone ever decided to wear, but there they are marching down the street… someone loves them. But I can’t have all the shoes… so I have to choose. And how best to do this? Consider the shoes you like best. They suit you. They are adaptable for many occasions. They complement you and your style. They are aesthetically pleasing to you. They are reliable. They are comfortable. They make you feel good when you wear them. They do not hurt you. They do not make you try to be something you are not. They are not a one-time thing (not that we haven’t all tried that pair on too.) At the end of the day, the most important thing is know yourself and what shoes will work the best for you.

So, is there only one pair of shoes out there for me? I hardly think that is true [those of you who have seen my closet know this to be empirically false.] However, there is certainly a better pair for me among the milieu. And rather than lamenting the possibility of not finding the perfect pair, I relish in the joy of the wide variety out there from which to choose.

Because the perfect fit might be out there in the most unexpected place.

When I was a young boy
My mama said to me
There’s only one girl in the world for you
And she probably lives in Tahiti

I’d go the whole wide world
I’d go the whole wide world
Just to find her

~The Monkees

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About Amanda

I am repatriating expatriate trying to work it all out. Well, to work some of it out anyhow. I am writing here for sanity, focus and general over-sharing.
This entry was posted in Life, Music, Relationships and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Sole Mates… Are you my density?

  1. saishia says:

    Yes, dont worry about meeting your twin flame, as when the time is right, synchronicities strike…trust me, i have seen that happening in my life…when the right one comes, your soul will speak not your mind…follow your bliss

  2. Amanda says:

    True… I was not so much meaning it as a worry as much as a contemplation… and a way to wax poetically about shoes…
    But I agree with your sentiment none the less.

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