There seems to be an inherent human fascination with typecasting and categorizing and classifying personality types. At one point I recall, it was simple: Type A or Type B. Type A meant you were a pain in the ass and more likely to have a heart attack. Type B meant you were all chilled out and probably fun to be around until you were involved in any sort of situation that required decision making or action or a relationship. Those were courtesy of early behavioral psychologists. [Raise your hand if you are A.] Things became a little more complex when the whole nature versus nurture debate came into play because then we could start blaming people for our personality issues and malfunctions. Hello Freud, or was is Jung?
Now there are myriad types into which you can cast yourself via the internet, no therapists required. There are sixteen types listed right here for immediate consumption. Of course you sort of have to read about them. I think I am INTJ. Or maybe INTP. Or wait, maybe I am ENTP. No… ENTJ. Actually, having looked at them more closely I think mostly INTP now, but that is just because I like the Name: The Thinkers. So all it pretty much proves is that my personality has image issues [not really new info.] Seriously, how am I supposed to work this out if there is no quiz to give me the answer?
Enter the age of personality quizzes. You can take a quiz now to find out [answers to the ones I have taken included]…
- what element you are
- what Barbie doll you are
- what alcoholic beverage you are [martini]
- what tarot card you are [lovers]
- what hair color you should have
- what celebrity you should marry
- what Grateful Dead song you are [Sugar Magnolia]
- what couture designer you are [Balenciaga]
- what your real age is
- what swear word you are [Ha. Of course it should be Fuck, but it was Shit.]
- what Greek god/dess you are [Athena]
- what evil dictator you are
And all of this is supposed to sum up your personality.
My favorite one so far has been the simply stated “What are You” Quiz. My result was that I am a “Suspicious Looking Piece of Mail.”
You have no return address and excessive postage. No one recognizes the handwriting on your face and you smell vaguely of chemicals. You are either from a confused elderly relative or a clandestine terrorist organization. Your favorite flavor of ice cream is Butter Pecan…
I think I like that one. The idea of no return address really pleases me. Excessive postage? For sure. Rigid and bulky? Okay, maybe. Perfectly anonymous handwriting? You bet. [But misspelled words? Never.] You can smell it? You know I can. And to be clandestine? Does it get any better than that? And I guess butter pecan is pretty alright with me. Combined with what I know about my astrological conditions, my Jungian type (INTP), what drink and song I am, I think I am getting a pretty good sense of who I really am. Perhaps personality really does go a long way.
Thank God, I was starting to worry.
Vincent: Yeah, but do you consider a dog to be a filthy animal?
Jules: I wouldn’t go so far as to call a dog filthy but they’re definitely dirty. But, a dog’s got personality. Personality goes a long way.
Vincent: Ah, so by that rationale, if a pig had a better personality, he would cease to be a filthy animal. Is that true?
Jules: Well we’d have to be talkin’ about one charming motherfuckin’ pig. I mean he’d have to be ten times more charmin’ than that Arnold on Green Acres, you know what I’m sayin’?