(413): I’d do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets. ~ textsfromlastnight.com
I read TextsFromLastNight religiously. I particularly enjoy reading it while on the bus to work laughing out loud, knowing that now the locals actually do have a reason to stare at me. I am not entirely clear on why it is so fascinating to me, but I imagine as a psychological investigation it would reveal a lot. Sometimes I am sure I know the person who sent the text, sometimes I feel so much better about some indiscretion of my own when I read about someone else’s sorry situation (is that totally immature – or totally human?) Sometimes the replies are the best. And then sometimes, they are just so cryptic or nuts that I find myself making up my own back story to explain what the hell could have been going on.
I think there is a novel waiting to emerge from the tfln vault. Or, at the very least, another Pineapple Express. I considered stringing them together, you know, like one conversation? And also looked at the potential for a fantastic game of charades. In fact, definite activity at my next dinner party.
And then I thought, “Wow, what great prompts for 10-second stories”:
The Bait & Switch (Stockton, CA)
(209): update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
(1-209): the house was on fire??
(209): shit I thought I told you.
Epilogue: “No, I was just kidding man, the house wasn’t on fire… But the fact that all your stuff is covered in human urine doesn’t seem so bad now, does it?”
Jack Sparrow Lives (Boston, MA)
(781): I’ve decided that life’s journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Epilogue: And from these humble beginnings, the next CEO of AIG rose from the ashes.
The PE.T.A. Connection (San Diego & Hollywood CA)
(619): Afterwards she curled up in my dog’s bed and slept there all night
(323): How mad was your dog?
Epilogue: “Why should he complain? I brought her home, he closed the deal.”
Raising the Bar (Iowa & Boston)
(641): she has no idea who harrison ford is.
(617): see that’s why i’d never date someone born in the 90s
Epilogue: Yeah, right.
Newspeak 2.0 (New Jersey)
(908): bl l w
(201): this should be fun to decipher. I’d like to buy a vowel.
Epilogue: Don’t try to work it out, just accept the pain that is the future.
The Wingman (Illinois)
(309): Unless I’m getting a singing midget telegram, I’m not going to smile
Diligence Personified (New Jersey)
(732): you sent me 45 texts saying “meow?”
(1-732): did i?
Epilogue: And she stayed single ever after.
The Paragon of Good Taste (Houston, TX)
(713): I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Epilogue: After checking LATFH for inspiration, bad taste was achieved.
The Contemporary Singleton (Grand Rapids, MI)
(616): who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Epilogue: And as a means of survival, they fled Michigan for destinations unknown.
Smarter than a 5th Grader (New York City)
(646): Pick my eyebrow is burning. I’m sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
(1-646): what. the. Fuck
Epilogue: Realizing that Kelly Pickler had your phone number, you promptly switched phone plans.
The Revolutionary (Philly)
(215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Epilogue: Now working at the local coffee house, it is so ironic, and I still can’t spell.
Employee of the Month (Atlanta, GA)
(404): What part of “waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon” sounds like a good night to you?
Epilogue: After dealing with the raccoon, was fired for kicking a coworker’s ass on arrival to office when said coworker chirped: ‘Aww, looks like someone’s got a case of the Mondays!!’
My Evil Twin (San Diego, CA)
(619): pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
And they lived happily ever after.
Vicarious living? Maybe, but it beats the hell out of focusing on the everyday grind that life sometimes feels like. And aren’t you dying to know what storm trooper helmets were required for?