People say I’m crazy doing what I’m doing,
Well they give me all kinds of warnings to save me from ruin,
When I say that I’m o.k. they look at me kind of strange,
Surely you’re not happy now you no longer play the game…
Looking out across the South China Sea this morning on the way to town to begin the last week in my current incarnation of work, I felt surprisingly calm. The sensory experience of being on the ferry was particularly pleasant – it was almost sunny even, quite a feat in what has been the dingiest year in the history of Hong Kong – and I felt like all was right with the world. Tangibly appreciative, you might say, if you were prone to waxing poetic about such things.
I have no idea what the immediate, let alone the distant, future holds for me right now. I mean, I’ve got some concrete details to work with: India, yoga, that sort of thing. But much beyond that is a vast open space. Sometimes when I look into it I see the 23,000 teachers who were given pink slips in California this year. Sometimes I see me working in some altogether different field. Sometimes I see someone else taking up residence in the house I have occupied for the last four years and truly come to love. Other times I see my family. Sometimes I see financial ruin. Sometimes I see financial freedom. It is like a kaleidoscope of images that shift when I tilt my head to one side or another.
But the overall effect, like with any good kaleidoscope, is hypnotic enough that I cannot look away, and if nothing else, extremely colorful.
This transition is particularly unique for me as it is the first I am doing on my own. Like really and truly and totally on my own. It was my choice to go, I had no disaster circumstances to run from, I sought the advice of no one, I chose not to take the apocalyptic warnings of others on board either. And my normal support network (yes, it is the parents) are out of reach until after I depart. I am doing this for my own reasons and of my own volition totally on my own. It is cool.
And a little scary.
But not today.
I’m just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round,
I really love to watch them roll,
No longer riding on the merry-go-round,
I just had to let it go.