Our high school guidance counselor used to ask us what you’d do if you had a million dollars and you didn’t have to work. And invariably what you’d say was supposed to be your career. So, if you wanted to fix old cars then you’re supposed to be an auto mechanic. I never had an answer.
Today is my last day at work. I feel totally gangster about this. I feel like such a gangster because, for the first time that I can remember, I am going forward without a plan totally lined up. This may not actually be gangster, it may actually be total lunacy. But I am rolling with it. Someone sent me the link to the Johnny Paycheck classic, Take This Job and Shove It, which made me laugh (I actually prefer Canibus/Biz Markie version, but anyway…) Still, that song does not really capture how I feel about this change. You see, I like my job. This has been a very mutually beneficial employment situation for nearly four years (a milestone in itself because I broke the “three-year hurdle” for the first time ever) and I am not leaving with any sort of animosity. I love the kids I work with, and have worked with, here and I have learned a ton. I have experienced the total ridiculousness of office politics [it is pretty bloody sad to literally not recognize your own sorry ass in a photo, but that is a story for another day] and not gotten dragged into them, resisted the temptation to lambast the instigators, and I have come out ahead. WAY ahead. (Another new skill to add to that old ‘Life Experiences’ CV.)
No, today I feel free, but in an interesting way; dare I say contemplative, rather than unhinged.
Things that I would expect to totally put me over the edge, like creative accounting, micro-managing, and general office silliness… just don’t matter. It all is what it is. I feel grateful to be able to have the opportunity to do something different. I am pleased when I look at my office and realize I am not coming back. I am ready to do something really different and to work out my own answer for the Geto Boys question:
“Cause when the fire dies down what the fuck you gonna do?”
Well, actually? In five minutes I will be joining friends for margaritas in Lan Kwai Fong and then in 24 short hours I will be boarding a plane for Bangalore and I am going to take it from there.
“Damn it feels good to be a gangsta!”