Alright, let’s face it, I am hardly any expert on this, and I appreciate that dating is hard. And frustrating. And often awkward. Even downright tedious. This is probably why I don’t really date and therefore lack expertise on the subject. [Hey you in the back, I hear you talking about how my choices for dates are at the root of the problem. Not that I am denying it… but, SHH.] But, even when I talk to my friends who really do date, like really make the effort to get out there and focus, focus, focus…. I hear the complaints.
Anyhow, for what it’s worth here are a few things I would say you should categorically NOT do on a date.
- Wear a backwards baseball cap. What, are you 15? [ps: it was a GIANTS hat, and not even a ProFit.]
- Wear Lucky Brand logo t-shirts. It is a step up from Ed Hardy, but a really small one.
- Mock the neighborhood where your date lives. Especially when it is an awesome neighborhood.
- Accuse your date of not wanting to go into a bar/restaurant that she is hesitating over because ‘there is someone in there who [she doesn’t] want to see.’ ‘What, is there a guy in there you know?’ ‘Are you embarrassed?’ [Seriously??]
- Make fun of a perfectly legitimate question you date asks, that is not even directed at you. [As you soon realized, the reason I was asking the hostess if we could go to the back bar was because you insisted on going into a (very nice) restaurant that has restaurant hours, not bar hours.]
- Tell your date she is more fun when she is drinking. You do not even know your date, Mister. And she was being really accommodating to meet you after 10 pm following a work day that went from 7 am until 9pm.
- Tell your date to lighten up. No explanation needed here.
- Make assuming generalizations about your date. ‘You must be a really hard teacher.’ ‘You are a gypsy.’ ‘You don’t like to commit.’
- Make fun of people’s ability to communicate using really shitty diction and syntax.
- Tease your date in way that might be appropriate between very old friends.
- Ask your date if she generally dates short guys because she likes to feel dominant. [W.T.F.] [I only even acquiesced in this case because your Napoleonic tenacity wore me down.]
- Make borderline racist comments about the locals in the neighborhood where you are walking. And where the girl lives. And obviously, likes the locals.
- Get to the girl’s apartment and tell her she “has to” let you up, “because you just have to see what a building this old looks like inside.” [Um. That would be a categorical no.]
- Don’t be Shooter McGavin. He sucks.
And there you have the end of my foray into dating people who are shorter than I am.
Actually, a single experience.