A Freudian foxhole, I am sure.

Oh, the streets of Rome are filled with rubble
Ancient footprints are everywhere

I woke this morning to two late night texts from two different people vaguely suggesting the same thing, the bright smell of a Bay Area autumn, clear and consistent communication from two dissatisfied felines, a strange sense that I had been sitting happily in vajra asana for an extended period of time, and an overwhelming urge to vacuum. I was unable to recall any dreams, and I had a song in my head.

I looked at the texts and was glad I saw neither of them when they were sent as it is likely I would have answered at least one of them, and as I had been drinking I can say with certainty the decisions made would have just made me *smh* in the aftermath.

Oh, the hours I’ve spent inside the Coliseum
Dodging lions and wastin’ time
Oh, those mighty kings of the jungle
I can hardly stand to see ’em
Well, it sure has been a long hard ride

I did not get out of bed immediately, much to the collective chagrin of my feline associates. I thought about the last time I was able to sit in vajra asana without totally panicking. I thought about the song in my head. I thought about how I wished someone would bring me coffee, less for the romance of it than the fact that I did not want to walk on my floor because the urge to vacuum would be so great that I would likely succumb, and I am trying to be a more considerate upstairs neighbor. The song kept on going in my head. The cats kept on going in my face.

Train wheels runnin’ through the back of my memory
When I ran on the hilltop following a pack of wild geese
Someday, life will be sweet like a rhapsody
When I paint my masterpiece

Eventually I did get up.

I deleted the texts, fed the cats, made my coffee, and played the damn song.

I swept the floor.

The Chinese believe that sweeping is associated with luck – or rather the potential to sweep out good luck at if you sweep at certain times. This makes me laugh because the Chinese are also incredibly fastidious when it comes to keeping the home. I am too, since adopting the no-shoes policy in my house. I was glad there was no bad luck potential for sweeping today. Not that I completely subscribe to this notion of luck either. But, you know, it can’t hurt. Sometimes I feel really lucky. Often right when I wake up and I am acutely aware of how nice it is to wake up where I live. Of course, some of the times I have felt least lucky have occurred at that exact same time/space circumstance, so perhaps it really is just random.

Like waking up with a favorite song in my head, or a sense of conquering a lingering physical limitation. Like the randomness under which we meet certain people and the very strange observable details that bring them to mind. Like the unlikely occurence of my baby cat suffering from acute renal failure this week. [Was it the lilies I brought into the house knowing that lilies + cats = death? Was it a congenital defect? Was it a kidney stone? Max did not die. He spent the night in the hospital and had a full (by full I also mean expensive) recovery. The vet said it was “nothing short of a miracle.” But I did not wake up with that song in my head… so I guess I don’t need a miracle.] Lots of times I like to believe that everything happens for a reason and there is some sort of deliberateness behind things. Vajra asana is one of the most deliberate poses in yoga. “Hard, like diamond,” one of my yogis used to say. But strangely humble at the same time.  I don’t know why it came to me that I had been thinking of it when I woke up. Random.

So, today I choose to believe it is all random and the randomness that has brought certain things into my life will likely take them away as well. It is not lucky or unlucky. It just is. And for sure, someday, everything is gonna be different… yeah.

Someday, everything is gonna be diff’rent
When I paint my masterpiece
When I paint my masterpiece



About Amanda

I am repatriating expatriate trying to work it all out. Well, to work some of it out anyhow. I am writing here for sanity, focus and general over-sharing.
This entry was posted in Absurd Shit, Home, Life, Perception, true stories and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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