Hola Mr. Hand!

It is official. I am Mr. Hand. Today as I endeavored to start what is categorically my most rambunctious (though generally very enjoyable) second period World History class we were recapping the previous day’s events. I was out for a field trip and they were retelling how amazing they were with the sub. [Ha.] After five minutes or so of this we got down to business: there would be a map quiz (yes, you can use the map… didn’t I tell you that?) we would be looking at the political boundaries of Europe quite closely as they morphed quite a bit between 1900 and 1945, the period of time we are now covering as we study the world at war. About ten minutes had now passed and my efforts to get them quiet were actually marginally successful.

At this point in walk Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum. They are not at their most lucid and are this late because they have gone to the cafeteria to purchase a stack of chocolate chip cookies to go along with their cool delicious milk.


I tell them I will gladly take the cookies.

“Can I keep the milk?” Dum asks, trying to achieve some degree of sarcasm, I think.
“Sure. I don’t like dairy.” I say.

They walk up to the front of the class as sullen as possible and place the stack of cookies on my table.

“Great. Maybe I will give these cookies to kids who deserve them.”

Suddenly everyone is quiet. All it took was the hope of a cookie.I should have known.

“That is bullshit!” exclaimed Dum, a little after the fact.
“No, that is opportunity cost!” retorted my new favorite student from the front of the classroom. I could not have planned a better lesson in economic choices.

Dee was getting visibly angry. Dum always looks a little confused so his anger comes across a bit more like bewilderment.

Then I started giving the cookies away… to students who had been on time, on task and taking their quiz. When Dee walked up with his quiz (which he should have received a zero on because he was talking, but pretty much bailed on anyhow) he began to rant about how I was stealing his money.

Really kid? That is your argument? Let’s see: You were tardy. You talked through your quiz. Which you flunked even though you could use your map. Oh, but you did not do your map. You have a D in this class. Because I am nice. And do we need to talk about what I caught you doing last week in the hall?

“Well, I am taking this one!” Dee said as he snatched the last remaining cookie from the desk.
“Well, alright then. Enjoy your time out of this class.”

Two of my seniors were hanging around in the back of my room and were visibly amazed at what they witnessed. This made me feel somewhat validated… though the reason they were in my class in the first place is that they had been booted from their math class for acting as ridiculously sophomoric. After seeing my class in action, they were painfully sheepish while explaining how they had behaved in my colleagues class. Another lesson learned? Huzzah!

Look at all the learning going on in my class –> that’s taking lemons and making them into a pretty nice vodka cocktail, if you ask me.

And tomorrow, we get to do it all again. Yes, I am for sure in this for the money.

About Amanda

I am repatriating expatriate trying to work it all out. Well, to work some of it out anyhow. I am writing here for sanity, focus and general over-sharing.
This entry was posted in Education, Humor, Life, Movies, Silliness, true stories, Work and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Hola Mr. Hand!

  1. Kelly says:

    I had a kid spanking the monkey in my class yesterday. Hola Mr Hand indeed. (The discipline master – oh, where I could go wiht this – didn’t know the English for masturbation so I had to mime it.) I’m in this for the anecdotes at cocktail hour.

  2. will says:

    I don’t know.

  3. Tres Walker says:

    God, I love the way you teach Ames.


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