Some phone calls I would like to make – but I never will because I am supposed to be confident and mature.

  • Day 1: Wow, I heard you have some harsh stuff going on in your life, I am so sorry.
  • Day 2: Oh, hi. Did you forget to tell my boyfriend something when you called him yesterday as soon as he left the house?
  • Day 3: Hi, sweetheart. We were just not thinking about you at all, glad you fixed that.
  • Day 4: Hey, I hear you have a boyfriend now. Why don’t you call him about all of this “stuff” in your life?
  • Day 5: Wow, you emailed my boyfriend a bunch of photos of yourself? I am impressed. I would be way too embarassed to ever do anything like that.
  • Day 6: You should use less Botox.
  • Day 7: Uh, how in the HELL did you think it was in ANY WAY APPROPRIATE TO ASK MY BOYFRIEND TO GIVE YOU A WAKE UP CALL?
  • Day 8: You are super sweet to be so concerned about my boyfriend’s well-being. But trust me, his days are good. You don’t need to call to say you hope he has a good day, and then again to say that you hope he had a good day, EVERY DAY.
  • Day 9: Lady, it is dinner time. You know we live together, right?
  • Day 10: Um, it is 9:45 on a Sunday morning. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING CALLING?
  • Day 11: Oh, hey, are you the person that keeps calling when I am about to go to bed with the man WHO IS NO LONGER YOUR BOYFRIEND?*
  • Day 12: You were clever enough to work out my boyfriend’s commute time to call him when he is out of the house, what say you put some of those wits to work and find someone else to call.
  • Day 13: I know. Why don’t you give me the number of YOUR boyfriend, and I will start calling him all the time. That would be ironic.
  • Day 14: Oh, you don’t really have a new boyfriend? You don’t say.
  • Day 15: Do you have any other friends? You should call them, that is what I do when I am feeling sad.
  • Day 16: Well, you know my boyfriend is a really nice guy who will never talk shit about you. But I will.
  • Day 17: Oh hey. You are still calling.
  • Day 18: …
  • Day 19: …zzzzzzzzzzzz……..
  • Day 20: Really?
  • Day 21: …
  • Day 22: Maybe you should use more Botox.
  • Day 23: …
  • Day 24: You are still there?
  • Day ∞: ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

* To be fair, she doesn’t call at bedtime to my knowledge. But I would still say that shit.


About Amanda

I am repatriating expatriate trying to work it all out. Well, to work some of it out anyhow. I am writing here for sanity, focus and general over-sharing.
This entry was posted in Absurd Shit, Life, Lists, Relationships and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Some phone calls I would like to make – but I never will because I am supposed to be confident and mature.

  1. Pingback: Hello Summer Solstice ~ I’ve been waiting for you. | No, THIS is how you do it…

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