Did I mention I had a particularly
shitty trying spring? Yeah, I sort of figured I had made that clear. The real conundrum is that there are no apparent reasons that this should have been true. In logical and rational terms my life is fine, as it’s ever been, in fact. I have:
- a job I love that is continuing
- awesome coworkers
- plenty of money
- a nice home
- a terrific boyfriend
- my health
- family and friends all around
- I live in a great city
- I am not a cankle-y troll….
But the way this list was recounted in my mind this spring was more like:
- not enough time in the day to meet the unending needs of teenagers who are underserved at best… mismanaged and underestimated all the time
- crazy responsibilities for a new member of the cohort, years of experience be damned
- Hey Money, Y U NO LAST LONGER?
- house seems too small and suddenly my cats seemed too big
- an incessant presence of the ex-girlfriend [hey lady, Y U NO TALK TO YOUR OWN BOYFRIEND?]
- a crunchy knee, compromised immune system, and MRSA, FTW
- a lot of commitments that contributed to ↑↑↑ by taking time and energy
- noisy neighborhood and too much wind, and hey Bart: Y U NO TRY HARDER?
- I am an under-exercised cranky person (who still has good legs, but is it enough?)
So, you can see where this is going. And of course, me being me, it was all very circular. And by circular, I mean a total downward spiral. Each circumstance fed off the other, making the next worse and harder to bear, and then harder still. I imagine you get the point.
Top this off with the current issue of the Remora Fish, and things have been even more perplexing… it is like, I finally finish up with school and get a moment to breathe, then this? And I found myself looking at every little thing with the kind of microscopic over-analysis that will lead me to be insane, and likely single. Another mystery call… another strange text… it must be this… No! But… No! But… but… but.. BUTT.
Therefore, with the onset of the Summer Solstice commencing today at precisely 4:09 p.m., I have to say I am not sad to see this spring hit the bricks. And in keeping with the new cycles (yesterday being a New Moon and all) I went to a yoga class I do not usually go to today because… well, because I wasn’t ready to make it to the 7:30 a.m. class is really the reason, but regardless, there I went.
And you all know how much I love change and derivation from my norm.
Sitting there in the studio waiting for things to begin, the teacher started to talk. She has this rather high-pitched voice and I was terribly afraid she was going to start singing or chanting yogic hymns – something I truly believe best left to those of the non-caucasian persuasion. But she did not sing. Instead she started talking about the solstice and how the sun is moving from Gemini to Cancer, and how the solar and lunar eclipse that happened while the sun was in Gemini, coupled with the two new moons, made things super challenging for people. And that even people who don’t buy into this kind of thing were being affected by it. Had we noticed that we were over-analyzing everything lately? Reading into every little thing and trying to intellectualize all of our challenges and issues? Ignoring other realities and focusing on perceived attitudes and actions?
I thought about the Remora Fish in my life.
She said that the Gemini influence makes us the type of thinkers who can create something huge and devastating out of something that might not be that significant (before they assess the practical worth of something, and before they sort out their true emotions, they try to analyze things objectively as a kind of mental exercise), and that with Venus simultaneously in retrograde (as of May 15), we were really dealing with (or not) a full plate. While Venus goes retro every couple of years for about forty days, it never ceases to kick our ass, and coupled with the tendencies exacerbated by the sun in Gemini, here is what we have been working with:
While Venus is retrograde, old friends and/or lovers may reenter one’s life. During this period, financial returns are apt to be delayed and affection is more difficult to receive and express. Beginning a new relationship, buying luxury items and investing in objects of art or items of beauty is generally discouraged during the retrograde period.
This Venus retrograde takes place in the sign of Gemini, promoting superficial flirtations. There is a yearning for a new state of consciousness that can leave you feeling alien even among friends. The need for variety is highlighted, which often leads to dual relationships. Curiosity combined with the desire to share information easily degrade into gossip. Be careful of what you say about friends and loved ones. Someone may take your casual remarks seriously and feelings could be hurt. This is an excellent time to review the amount of love in your everyday life and to polish the communication of your affection for others.
It was one of those “HOLY-FUCKING-SHIT” moments. I have them a lot in yoga, but seriously: HOLY.FUCKING.SHIT. [If you are freaking out right now, breathe deep as Venus will resume its normal programming on June 27… and we should be okay until winter solstice 2013.] The teacher continued to talk and explained how she has been watching all of these relationships around her end, and how people have been really struggling… and reminded us that we should think about things that were happening in our lives the last time this happened to look for clues and patterns (May 19 through July 2, 1996, and May 17 through June 29, 2004, if you are curious.) As we began moving through the flow, she reminded us that tomorrow the sun rises in Cancer and returns our central processing to the heart. I have to say, I am not sure how comfortable I am with this, but Christ/Shiva/Allah, it has got to beat the last 40 days and 40 nights.
And so, even though I know the Remora Fish asked for a wake up text again, and likely got it… or at least my Gemini-retro-Venus-mind knows this, I am going to let it go. I am definitely not going to stand for any “dual relationships” you can be [choose your god] -damned sure, but for now, I am going to let it be.
So let’s go! Bring on the long, hot, summer…